I don’t know whose quote that is, but it’s brilliant. What you’re working passionatley on is where you are most qualified to become an advisor. My fatitude - all its confusion, shame, moral righteousness, bragging and bagging it - is my current and most passionate mess. I’m working it out and sharing it all with you. YAY.
What’s your mess? Comment here with Mess stories … we all fight the same demons.
Add comment June 4th, 2008
If you allow for days when
Mountains move you…
there will be other days when you can move mountains.
Add comment May 22nd, 2008
As I say in Motherhood to Otherhood, food can be used as emotional white-out… feeling crappy? Eat a cookie, and then you’ll either feel better or at least you’ll be distracted from the crappy feelings. No need to figure out what’s really bothering you - now you’re very busy yelling at yourself for the cookie (or ten if one didn’t do the trick). Phew that was a close call. Lucky you had emotional white-out on hand, because if not for the cookie, you might have felt bad.
But wait, eating the cookie didn’t make you happy for very long. Hey that’s not fair. (Eat another one.) Soon enough you begin beating yourself up for the cookie(s), and TA-DA mistake erased, emotion whited out - the cookies shifted what you felt crappy about! Now it’s all about the cookie.
Ugh… why can’t i just quit eating?
Say, there’s half a sandwich on your plate, but you’re getting full. You want the sandwich - oh believe me, you’re enjoying the sandwich - but you’re getting full. Can you leave it there? Say for some reason, you can’t take it with you… Can you - god forbid - waste it???!!! (There are children starving in India, you know.) It will be turned into “waste” whether as landfill or as “pants-fill. ” So can you waste it? Where is the better dump? A garbage can, or your pants?
You quit eating and feel crappy - only you know your own brand of crappy. Poor me. I hate my body. Why can’t I eat and stay thin without effort? Man, I never get to eat out, this is a special occasion. I’m not that full. I WA-A-A-NT it. Or even, After the day I’ve had, I deserve it. My friend the food understands.
So hard to sit with those urges, and push them away. It is sometimes seemingly impossible to not eat that sandwich - polish it off, throw it onto the “pants-fill” heap.
So you sit, feeling crappy. You watch your well-groomed, naturally skinny-eats-like-a-horse friend finish her sandwich and the last of your french fries. How do you get to happy? How do you use the crappy to get to happy? Feel proud of yourself for nourishing your real self, mothering yourself, and setting limits that might leave you feeling grumpy, but will serve you better throughout your day. And as your afternoon wears on, permit yourself to say (as only a mother would) See, now aren’t you glad you didn’t overeat at lunch? No one likes to feel full for hours after lunch. You gave yourself a great afternoon by skipping that second sandwich half.
Happy?
Add comment May 15th, 2008
Blogging is about yesterday, right? I was mopey… feeling sort of ineffective, and scolding myself for not moving a mountain. There’s always a mountain to move. I watched a lot of tv. I may have overeaten. Or at least, didn’t eat the best foods for nutrient value. So my inner witch was having her way with me, proving that I can’t do anything, or get anything done (despite significant evidence to the contrary in my life.)
So what was the best part of my yesterday? My poor boy cut his finger on his brand new pocket knife. The coolest birthday gift ever had betrayed him! He was hoping against hope he wouldn’t have to tell me about it, because then maybe I’d take away his new pocket knife. But after awhile, he was forced to come up to my office and seek my help.
He was trepidatious… would I be mad? would I be able to fix the still-bleeding finger? poor kid. :(. so of course, I get some toilet paper, apply pressure, and put his thumb higher than his heart. It took about 3 minutes to get it to stop bleeding. I felt competent. He was grateful - which I soaked in gratefully.
I went downstairs to get a Bandaid. There were three little nests of bloody napkins each larger than the last, each bearing testament to the panic that was mounting in his heart. It was so sweet.
I’m glad I could help, and that he learned a lesson about his new knife without more blood, gore and repercussion. The cut wasn’t deep - but fingers really bleed. I’m glad his need helped me out of a funk. I felt competent, loving and kind. Our kids give us that, and we can take that surge of love for ourselves into any endeavor.
Add comment May 13th, 2008
My slender friend Laura Markham told me a story about a waitress who playfully slapped her hand when she reached for another french fry. “You’ll get fat…” teased the waitress. Laura was shocked but her dining companion simply saw the wisdom of the waitress’ warning. “yeah, take them away, ” she said.
“Wow,” said Laura, “I always eat whatever I want.”
Her friend looked envious and amazed. “Really?”
There are several issues at work here… that I see… tell me your feelings about how to eat!!
So should we all - fat and thin - learn to eat whatever we want? And stand up to punitive friends, waitresses and inner voices?
This puts me in the mood for french fries…. mmm. Oh shoot, I was just joking, but now that I’ve said that, I’m actually in the mood for french fries.
Add comment May 8th, 2008
Today I spoke with 20 radio hosts about Motherhood to Otherhood. My baby is out there! And I was a proud mama telling my stories and swapping jokes about the “birthing” process with the shock jocks Bulldog and The Dude on Rude Awakening (shout out to Washington DC area!) and the business savvy mom on Business in the Black (thanks to Tuwanda Black in Atlanta, GA! You really get it.) Motherhood to Otherhood went national with Gary on Metro Networks Morning News, and climbed into a welcoming lap with Cathie - on Detroit’s WGRT Morning Show. She says she spent years as “Shannon’s Mom.” (We all know what that feels like.) so I’m still in the middle of the radio tour day… and having a blast. Let me know if you catch me on the radio!
Meanwhile I’ll get podcasts up as quickly as I can get them from the stations and post them. YAY!
This thing is on… game on.
Add comment May 1st, 2008
Mom drops son at school.
Alone, finds opportunity.
Life is hers, at last.
Add comment May 1st, 2008
I’ve put my ad on Baristanet - hanging out the shingle - for seminars. I’m asking the universe to send me 20 moms who want Otherhood. I’m looking forward to the new Motherhood to Otherhood seminar. It is fun, fascinating and a great way to start things - whatever your Otherhood stirs up. What does your life need to be great? Do you dream of becoming a speaker or a writer or find a way to go back to work? Do you need to fix relationships with partners, parents or boost your friend circle? Do you wish you could quit doing something that’s keeping down, like overeating, smoking or start doing something you know will make your hear sing - like painting, poetry or exercise. I hope to include you in our M2O seminar this May!
The seminar is small group coaching, where we review the 9 lessons learned during pregnancy and being a mom. These lessons if reclaimed in your ordinary life can really help you get to a new you. There’s nine hours of instruction in two days, and lunch and a workbook is included.
Add comment April 12th, 2008
Turning forty stinks…
Kids grow fast. Mom’s in slow-mo.
Girlhood dreams stir. Hope.
Add comment April 9th, 2008
It’s April, so of course, everyone is talking green. As Earth Day approaches we all want to recycle more. Here’s a recycling tip: Recycle the lessons you learned during pregnancy to help you reclaim your life -NOW! Don’t let that experience go to waste just because you’re so busy being a mom. Get back that great feeling of being valued and important, feeling like you were on a mission and understanding that you were taking part in something bigger than yourself.
It’s green week on every talk show in the country- it seems like - so I beg you, recycle your pregnant experiences to bring forth your brainchild. (think of the trees we’ll all save if we band together and recycle just one lesson each.)
Add comment April 7th, 2008
